My co-worker constantly updates me on his love life during the workday. What are some ways to discourage this kind of inappropriate behavior?

When co-workers assail you with unsolicited accounts of their amours, the best way to change their behavior is by altering yours.

The first place to start is to ask yourself: What am I saying or doing that reinforces his behavior? Verbally, you may be expressing interest by asking questions, and participating in further discussion when he answers your queries. Nonverbally, you may be stopping your work, turning to face your co-worker, making direct eye contact, nodding, smiling, or frowning in response to his comments. These actions indicate you have time to chat and are interested in the subject.

If you are concerned that confronting him directly may lead to workplace friction, subtly reverse your encouraging behavior — e.g., look away, engage in other work activities, and don’t nod or make any comments. Over time that may be enough to make him realize you are not interested in tuning in to his soap opera.

If that doesn’t work, try a more direct approach. Simply tell him that work is not the appropriate place for these types of discussions, and you would be more comfortable if he avoided them altogether. With any kind of over-sharing, the rule of thumb for stopping it is: It’s your own response that ultimately determines whether others keep turning their private information into a public display.