My boss wants me to show more assertiveness. But I’m not comfortable with being aggressive. What should I do?

Don’t confuse aggressiveness and assertiveness, which are as different, to paraphrase Mark Twain, as lightning and a lightning bug. Aggressiveness is often rude behavior, while assertiveness means confidently communicating your feelings and thoughts to others while acknowledging theirs as well. Being assertive means conveying to others how you want their duties performed, and how you want conflicts to be resolved. At the same time, assertiveness gives you the strength to value others’ opinions, encouraging their right to disagree, without feeling threatened.

You can begin building an assertive rapport with a mental checklist. When talking with co-workers, ask yourself if you’re being as direct as you can. Are you focusing on the facts and consequences of the situation, rather than emotional factors? If you’re disagreeing, are you expressing that disagreement in a way that allows the free expression of ideas?

Project this approach by standing up straight and maintaining eye contact. Use a firm, but pleasant and even tone, and try to start sentences with “I feel” or “I think” rather than “You,” since this pronoun puts the other party on the defensive, making him or her less open to suggestion.

Assertiveness, like Rome, wasn’t built in a day, but with these tips, you’ll soon turn into a polite — but powerful — communicator.